I grew up being told that a whole lot about me is fixed and unchangeable. I was told that my IQ is fixed, my personality is fixed, and my temperament is fixed. But I’ve since changed most of those things in myself. Almost everything is changeable and very little about us is fixed.
I suspect the fixed mindset came about because some of us tried changing other people and found that we couldn’t change them. So it was decided that some things are unchangeable. The truth is that rarely will we allow someone else to change us. We resist being changed. However we are free to change ourselves.
IQ
When a teacher in high school tested my IQ, it measured quite high. I’ve found that I learn things pretty quickly. However I’ve found out that I don’t always learn quickly and sometimes I say and do things that are pretty dumb. My IQ isn’t fixed and unchangeable. Sometimes my brain isn’t fully engaged. And I can increase my IQ by exercising my brain and forming new connections.
Personality and Temperament
I’ve taken personality tests, you know Meyers Briggs, and such. I measured as being introverted. And back then I was pretty introverted. I was awkward in social settings. I liked, well actually, I needed my alone time. I kept to myself. People were unpredictable. Since then I’ve learned to like and even thrive in social settings. And now I don’t such a need for alone time like I used to. My personality is changeable.
Introvert, extrovert, boldness, risk taking, cautious, thinks, feeling, intuition, our IQ, and or EQ (emotional intelligence) are all changeable. These things don’t define us. In addition, I’ve found that some of those traits that labeled me weren’t me in the first place. Those traits were my defense mechanisms to protect myself.
Changing
Even though these characteristics of us are changeable, it may take quite an effort to change them. If we, for example, spend 40 years habitually avoiding risk, not going first, not speaking up, and not drawing attention to ourself, it can take a good amount of time undoing those wired in responses. But it’s worth it. We owe it to ourselves and to others to stretch ourselves and step up in a new way.
In addition, stretching and growing is a great way to get out of the doldrums. Learning and trying new things can be exciting – even if it’s very difficult at first.
