When I ask, “What are you living for?” I’m not suggesting that you give up. I’m asking what it is that gets you up in the morning and makes you go again for another day.
It turns out that this is a pretty tricky question. Often, we don’t really know what we are living for. What is diving us can be hidden from us. It so permeates our life, it’s like asking a clown-fish what the ocean is like. The clown-fish, if he could talk, would probably answer, “What’s an ocean?” even though he is living right in the middle of it.
But if we pay attention to where our thoughts go throughout the day, we just might get a glimpse what’s driving our life.
Here are some things that drive our lives. We live to:
- Avoid pain
- Escape
- Receive approval
- Avoid sin
- Experience the next happy moment
- Receive prestige
- Win
The list, of course, is not complete. But here is how it looks when we are living for just the first three of these things.
Avoid pain
When someone lives to avoid pain. they are mentally focused on all their past painful experiences. If such a person isn’t in the middle of a crisis, they are bracing for the next crisis that they are sure is coming. When they direct the conversation they talk about all their past crappy experiences.
We all experience painful events, but this type of person defines their life by the burden these experiences have created.
Escape
When someone lives to escape, their mind is always on the next thing that they can dive into to distract themselves. Such a person is escaping painful messages, or past experiences, or even just responsibility. This type of person spends a lot of time in TV, games, hobbies, drugs, alcohol – you name it. This person is living for the next escape.
Approval
When someone lives for approval, their mind is always on what people think of them. They do things and then look to others to tell them if they’ve done a good job or not. This type of person often won’t do things for themselves because there’s no pay-off for them – self approval doesn’t count. A lot of time is spent thinking about and wondering if they’re acceptable.
Personally, I can related to the escape and approval type people. I have to watch out or I’ll spend a whole weekend binging on Netflix. I also have to be careful that I’m not doing things just to receive approval and affirmations from people. This screws up our sales process because it then becomes a popularity contest rather than something that serves people.
Love
There is one thing that we should strive to live for all the time. This thing we should live for is love. Whenever I get things all twisted up, it’s because I’m not doing things out of love.
When we fully live to love, we take care of ourself to increase our capacity to love. When we have a business transaction with someone, it’s because we love the person and want to serve them well. When we increase our life’s impact, it’s done out of love for people. This is what living to love looks like.
I think, to a large degree, our life’s journey is to learn to love more completely. I don’t always live for love, and when I catch myself not loving, I need to realign myself. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Life just flows when love is woven into everything.
What about you? Which reason to live do you relate to most? What are you living for?
