I believe that many of us desire to live a deeply satisfying life that is full of love and joy. We’d like to chase our dreams. We’d like to grow old with our spouses. We’d like meaningful work where we excel. For most of us, though, this isn’t the life that we have. We are in a perpetual state of wanting life, settling for existence.
At the Bottom
I think we live this way because we tell each other, “you can’t have what you want”, “only lucky people succeed”, “our lot in life is to suffer,” “life happens,” “I have to …”, “I can’t …,” and on and on. So, we give up our desires for “life to the full,” and we settle for just existing.
We stop taking risks. We pull back. We protect. We stay put. We follow the crowd. We just exist.
Climbing Up
A big step in turning things around, in having that deeply satisfying life is to reconnect with our humanness. We’re all on this planet together. Why don’t we connect to each other’s humanity, struggles, and doubts?
Instead, we make everything a transaction. We hold a critical spirit. We disagree. We compare. We “one up”. We pretend. We distance.
What if …
- instead of trying to make everything even and fair, we just gave because we can tell that it’s really important to the other person?
- instead of debating and arguing with a friend, we told them that we liked them?
- instead of feeling superior to people because we think we compare better than them, we just enjoyed their company?
- we just listened?
- we told people what they need to hear – that they’re loved and accepted?
- we would just ‘be with’ people?
If we did these things, and connected at a deeper, more meaningful level, might we be a little closer to experiencing the life that we really want? I think so.
Helping Others
I’d like to end with this little story – without an explanation. I’d like you to just take it and let it marinate. Then I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Today I fell into a pit. At first I didn’t want to call for help. What would people think if they found me in the pit? So I just waited a while to see if my situation would change. It didn’t.
I let out a little “help?” Maybe someone would notice.
Eventually someone came by, noticed me in the pit, and told me that I shouldn’t have fallen into the pit. Someone else also took notice and told me he was glad that he hadn’t fallen into the pit. Yet another told me that he thought he was better than me because I was in the pit and he wasn’t. Another one came by to tell me that there is no pit, and things would be better if I would just change my attitude.
After pondering my situation a bit, someone came by with a ladder. He lowered the ladder, but wouldn’t let me climb up. Instead he insisted that he come down and carry me up out of the pit. After carrying me out, he told me that I was a poor, poor person who couldn’t help but fall into pits. He hit me with his ladder as he was retrieving it, and it knocked me back into the pit (I think accidentally). I don’t know where the man with the ladder went. I think I overheard him saying something about celebrating another “pit rescue” with some friends. I’d still like to be out of the pit.
Someone came by and threw down some food and blankets into the pit. I was grateful for the food and warmth, but I’m still in the pit.
Finally someone came by and told me that I can get myself out of the pit. If I was willing, he’d explain how. I said, “yes, of course!” He explained that if I will push my feet against the opposite sides of the walls, I can inch each foot up, one after the other until I’m out of the pit. This way if I’m in a similar pit again, I can get myself out. He waited, watched, and guided me as I got out of the pit. Now I don’t have to fear such pits any more.
