I am covering the things that I’ve run into and seen when setting and working toward goals. All kinds of things can come up when trying set and pursue goals. A part of me wants to avoid goals. And sometimes I freak out when I start working toward them. Part one of this series can be found here.
Substitute Goal
A substitute goal is like this: “I really want this, but I’m going to pursue that instead.” For example, “I really want to have a career in photography, but I’m going get a degree in accounting.”
Sometimes we are afraid to pursue what we really want. Because it’s so dear to our heart, it feels riskier to go for it. What if it doesn’t work out? Where does that leave us? If we don’t pursue it, at least it stays out there as a possibility. We can still dream about it.
I’ve found that what we dream of almost always has a success path as long as we hold loosely to the specifics. Hold on to what is essential about the dream, but not to how it will look. For example, maybe you find it difficult to make a living creating and selling paintings, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up painting. Hold that there is a way to express yourself beautifully with the paintings in some fashion, in some venue.
It is good to go for what you really want and to not settle for something else.
Giving Up
Rena and I have had some coaches that phrased this dynamic as “popping the other three tires.” You get a flat in one tire on your car, so in frustration, you pop the other three. We think this is a great illustration of giving up.
When you hit a snag, miss a milestone, or fall short, don’t give up. Instead, reevaluate, readjust, make a shift. and try something different.
It is OK to change your goal. Changing it is not the same thing as failing. It is better to shrink the goal than to have what appears to be an unachievable goal. Keep in mind that you still want to stretch yourself, so don’t shrink the goal so far that it no longer serves you.
It is better to tweak and adjust than to give up on goals.
Freaking Out
And lastly, Rena and I have seen and experienced freaking out when the goal starts to look like reality. Not too long ago we started a radio show and podcast. For a while I was thinking, “Wow, this will be so cool. I’m going to be on the radio.” And then as the day approached for our first show, I was thinking, “Oh crap! I’m going to be on the radio. Everyone will ‘see’ me.”
Sometimes we don’t realize the full ramifications of achieving our goal. If it’s a good stretch goal, it will often bring up stuff. We are reminded of experiences from our past. It brings up fears of what it might mean if we accomplish the goals, or it challenges our self view.
When this happens, just remind yourself that this is normal. It provides an awesome opportunity to work through things that have been holding you back.
Expect to freak out from goals from time to time, and when you do, lean into it, rather than shying away from it.
Summary
In summary, based on part 1 and now this post, here are some great tips for setting and working toward your goals:
- Set goals that stretch you and move you forward in life.
- Set goals that are clear and specific.
- Use “toward” language rather than “away from” language.
- Don’t settle. Go for what you really want.
- Don’t give up. When it seems unachievable, adjust the goal.
- Expect you’ll freak out. Lean into the uncomfortableness to work through your inner struggles.
