Often times we talk about other people engaging in self sabotage. We shake our heads and click our tongues. What a shame – what a waste. What’s wrong with that person? The truth, however, is that we all engage in self sabotage at times.
Avoidance
Self sabotage shows up in a number of ways. One of the most prevalent ways is to never take a risk. We stay in the lines. We always do what we know we can do – what we’ve done before. We don’t stretch ourselves, and we make sure we don’t fail at anything. We hold ourselves back, and we live small. This is a form of self sabotage by preventing us from taking that big step in the first place.
Subconscious Commitment
Self sabotage also shows up from our deep need for approval or personal safety. For example, when we subconsciously have a deeper commitment to be liked than our commitment to be a mentor to a friend, we will avoid telling our friend like it is. We will sabotage our efforts to be a great mentor.
Another example might be that we have a deeper commitment to feel comfort than we have to lose weight. So, we sabotage our weight loss efforts.
Self View
Finally self sabotage can show up when we step into a role or position that is bigger than our view of ourself. For example, we have a time scheduled to go speak to a small crowd of people, but we don’t see ourself as being a speaker. As the date approaches, we get the flu, and on the day itself, we suddenly have a migraine headache. Subconsciously we are sabotaging ourself.
The day after our book release party in July, I had a second heart attack. Our coaches recently asked me if it’s possible that on that day as I was stepping into a bigger role, that maybe it was bigger than I saw myself – if my 2nd heart attack was a result of a type of self sabotage. I don’t really know. But I think it may be possible.
What to Do
So what do we do about self sabotage. One approach that I’d like to share today is to counter self sabotage with commitment. If we are deeply committed to reaching our goal – no matter what, we don’t give our subconscious an out. If we get sick, go speak anyway. If suddenly our schedule fills up, write the book anyway.
Make the commitment strong enough that our subconscious knows that it can’t get out of it. And eventually our subconscious will pipe down and let us move forward without so much struggle. At the very least, we reach our goal regardless of all the craziness going on around us – much of it caused by ourself.
What about you? When have you not achieved a goal and wondered if you were sabotaging yourself?
