This week I’m exploring the nuances of giving and taking. Today I’m discovering why we may not be generous even though we’re giving.
Often times we have this idea of what is good and what is bad especially when it comes to giving. I’ve seen an attitude in both the giver and the receiver that giving is good and not giving is bad. This attitude can even be so strong that we start to believe that there is a moral obligation for the giver to give.
This can create all sorts of problems for for everyone. On the receiver’s side people can believe that others are morally obligated to give to them just because they have a need. And the giver can believe that they are morally obligated to give to every need that is presented to them.
I experience this on a personal level from time to time. I am fairly good with computers as I’ve had a software career for over 20 years. Periodically, I get asked to fix someone’s computer problem. The attitude is that of course I should fix it because their project, or whatever, needs to get done. And I need to drop whatever I’m doing to fix their problem right now – for free. Their view is that I am morally obligated to give my immediate time and attention because there is a need.
On the receiver’s side, this creates unreasonable expectations. Receivers can believe that someone should give them money for rent just because their rent is due. Or someone should give them food because they don’t have any money left over from their day of gambling. This view can degenerate into a belief that they should be given money, not because they do something of economic value, but just because they exist.
On the giver’s side, this creates a never ending demand on them as every need around is presented to them. And new needs are always appearing to make their demands.
For someone attempting to live their legacy, this is very dangerous. To be effective, we must be intentional and we must focus our time energy and money in a narrow area. When we’re attempting to fill every need that presents itself, we are being neither intentional nor focused. Instead we are being dragged around by circumstances, and our attention and resources are scattered all over the place.
The worst part, though, is that any giving done out of obligation is not really giving. We’re not really being generous when we “have to”. Generosity happens when we “want to”.
What about you? How do you show generosity?
