So often, I think the problem is out there. I’ve blamed other people or my circumstances. I’ve believed that I’m just fine, the real problem is out there somewhere. But my problem is in me.
I am learning that the biggest influence on what I experience in life is in how I move through the world. My skills only take me so far, and from there it all depends on how I’m being.
Success to a large degree depends on our emotional intelligence and how much other people like us. Low functioning people tend to have a lower level of success. High functioning people tend to get the promotions and have an easier time in business.
Imagine someone you know who is usually angry, and often talks bad about other people. Notice that this person probably isn’t in the highest paid position. Now imagine that you’re considering promoting someone to manager. Would you pick this person? I’m guessing not. The way they are being – the way they navigate the world is affecting their success.
The most productive path to success, whatever that looks like for you, is to work on yourself. We all have triggers, blind spots, and “places” in our personality where we are all twisted up. These are the things that make people go, “Woah,” and not in a good way.
Here are some questions that you can use to uncover areas on which you might want to work:
- How do you have to appear or what do you have to do so that you will be liked, loved, and accepted?
- When was the last time you had an argument? What was your fear if you would be proved wrong?
- When you talk to people, do you think about what you are going to say next before they are done talking?
- Who has the last word?
- Who’s fault is it?
- When was the last time you were vulnerable with someone? What is your fear if you share too much with someone?
- If you cry in front of someone, do you apologize? Why?
- When you’re done visiting with people, do they feel like you’re a rock star, or do they feel like they’re a rock star?
- What is the predominant emotion you feel on most days?
- How often are you surprised by your own emotional reaction to what someone says or does?
- How often are you surprised by someone else’s emotional reaction to what you say or do?
- What do you usually talk about: people, events, ideas, dreams, fears?
Anything that at it’s roots is about hiding, covering up, redirecting, or posturing is a good place to start working.
If you’ve hit a ceiling, and you can’t seem to get further, chances are that it’s yourself that’s in the way.
