I’ve noticed a lot of people have a “me or you” mentality. The two big areas where I see this is with money and sales, and when I suggest they want to make an impact with their life.
Money
With money and sales it seems people believe a transaction benefits only one side. Sometimes when I suggest to people that they may want me to help them explore their impact, their thought is that this is just for my benefit. I hear phrases like, “Don’t sell me,” as if I am harming them by entering into a conversation with them that may end in a sale.
Their thinking is, “either I win, or you win, and I don’t want you to win one over me.” Along with this is the idea that if it’s a charity, it’s good, and if it’s a for profit business, then it must be evil. It’s not true, however. Good for profit businesses trade at equal value, or even better, to make sure people don’t feel gypped, they give more value than they charge for it.
Impact
When I suggest people make an impact with their life, I get a lot of responses, but the two I want to talk about now are:
- Isn’t that egotistical?
- I can’t do that, I have to work
The first response seems really strange to me, but basically this thought is that if I help you with, for example, getting out of poverty, then I’m being prideful and just wanting to pat myself on the back.
The second response is that if I’m making an impact, it must mean sacrifice, and I can’t afford to sacrifice right now. I need to work.
In both of these thoughts, the mindset is either you win or I win from the interaction. It’s either me or you, and I’m not willing to pick you, but if I pick me, then I’m being selfish, so I think I’ll avoid picking.
Me and You
I want you to change your mindset from “me or you” to “me and you.” The key idea is:
You don’t have to loose in order for me to win.
Additionally, you don’t have to lose in order for me to win. A “me and you” solution means that both parties are guarding the win for everyone. No one proposes something where clearly only one side wins. Don’t settle for “Me or you.” Demand interactions be “Me and You.”
In any good sales transaction, it benefits both people. And when I work to make an impact, it is for you, and it also benefits me. This means that it’s fine to get paid making an impact. And when I talk about a sale, it’s really for you, … and it’s for me.
One sided interactions don’t work.
