Love and understanding are some really basic human needs. That’s how I summarize our need to be seen, heard, understood, accepted, and loved. When we recognize this need that drives so much human behavior, we will understand ourselves and others better. This understanding can guide our choices and make things better for us and the people around us.
Because people need love and understanding, we will do well by actually listening to people. Stephen Covey calls it, “Seek first to Understand, then to be understood.” I like to think of it as a built-in curiosity about other people. Haven’t you noticed that people love to talk about themselves? Go ahead and indulge them some. You may find that there are a few people who never move from being listened to to wanting to know more about you. They’re probably trying to make up for a whole childhood of not getting love and understanding. That’s not the right type of person to really meet your need for love and understanding.
In fact, I think we should value very highly the people who do grant us love and understanding. If you don’t already have such a supportive person in your life, seek one or more of them out. When you have your own need for love and understanding met, it will be easier to meet that need for other people.
As you can see, we need a balance. We need people who give us love and understanding. We also need to give love and understanding to other people. It’s not right to receive it and not give it. It is a basic need we all have.
Consider for a moment the people in your own life. Are you behaving in a way that makes them feel loved and understood? Are there some things you could do differently–in what you say and do–to better convey love and understanding to them? Do you need more love and understanding in your own life?If so, what can you do about it?
