The opposite of love is not hate as many think. There are two primary modes of operation we can have when we show up anywhere. These two modes are Love and Fear, and as you may have guessed, the opposite of love is actually fear. Whatever mode in which we are primarily operating will dominate our place in life.
We can come from a place of fear or a place of love. These can’t coexist. It’s either one or the other. 1 John 4:18 says:
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”
Imagine with me showing up at work coming from a place of fear, then imagine instead showing up coming from a place of love:
Fear
I show up at work. I am afraid I’m going to be passed by for the job promotion. I’m afraid of losing my job, and I work hard to make sure there’s no reason I’ll get fired. I am suspicious of management, and I am afraid they are planning on screwing over the employees. I can’t trust my co-workers, as I am afraid they are going to “stab me in the back.” I hoard information to give me an edge. I’m afraid of being taken advantage of. I gossip about other people to keep attention away from me. I take all the credit for as many successes as I can, even when I had help or I didn’t really create the success.
Pretty ugly, huh? But I bet you’ve seen all these behaviors at work, and you might even relate to having some of these thoughts at times.
Now imagine, that I want to get the promotion and become a manager in my company. Would you promote me? I’m guessing you wouldn’t, and it probably wouldn’t matter how much I’ve accomplished. Why would you want such a toxic person to be a manager where I can spread toxic attitudes to even more people in the company.
Love
So, let’s see what it would look like coming from a place of love. I show up at work. I am patient with my co-workers. I listen to people and I’m genuinely interested in how they are doing. I am interested in not just my performance but also in how my whole team is doing. I encourage people. I am careful to make sure credit goes to the right people when we succeed. I tell my boss what I need from her to support me in my work. I am happy when I see my coworkers succeed.
Just like the the previous example was an exaggeratedly bad scenario, this one is picture perfect. Hopefully, you’ve seen some of these behaviors too and can relate to some of them.
Now imagine, that I’m being considered for a promotion? Would you promote me? I’m guessing you just might, and you might not even care much about my “track record.”
Love and Fear
The key question is, “from which place am I operating on most days?” It’s real easy to get sucked into fear. We are afraid of being scammed, of being treated unfairly, of being rejected, of being robbed, of bodily harm, of being made a fool, of being laughed at, and of missing out – just to name a few.
We have to fight being drawn into fear. For when we come from a place of real love – when we really do care about others and what happens to them, we will be given more and more opportunities to express that love. This works everywhere: at work, at home, in the store, in our charity, everywhere.
Here’s a simple exercise that can help: Set an alarm to go off every day around, say, 3:00pm. At this time, just do a quick gut check. How are you feeling? Are you experiencing a lot of negative emotions? Are you thinking about other people around you? Are you seeing these people as individuals with dreams and fears and hurts, or are they more like objects? If you need to, make a shift.
