We often want to get ahead, get the promotion, get the sale, etc. We think that if we do the right thing, we’ll get ahead. But the truth is that advancing our life is an inside job. This, of course, includes advancing the legacy and impact you are creating.
There are 3 areas that you can work on that will help you advance your life. At the core, these are:
- How you see yourself
- How you see others
- His others see you
How You See Yourself
It’s hard to step into a manager role, for example, when you still see yourself as the grocery store clerk you used to be. To increase your influence, you need to see yourself as an influencer, a leader, a starter, among other qualities.
This is an inside job. While others can help, ultimately no one else can change your self view.
Keep in mind that this is not about egotistical pride and selfishness. Yet, if I am going to be available for the benefit of others, I need to step up. And to step up, I need to see myself as the kind of person who steps up.
I do a few things that help me increase my self view. First, I remember the truth which I am a a child of God. If the God of the universe is for me, what could happen that I should shrink back?
Second, I use affirmations. I tell myself that I am confident, I am open, I am compassionate, etc. I keep telling myself these until I start to believe them. At first it seems like a lie. But then I start to look for confirmation that they are true, and I start to act in ways that confirm that they are true. Eventually I look back and realize the affirmation really is true of me.
Third, I keep pushing my edges. I do things and then I use these as reference experiences that show me that I am that person. I get on the radio. I speak in public. I lead seminars. I coach people. I share vulnerably. And many more things. It’s a practice. The more I do things, the more I can see that I am a person that does and can do these things.
How You See Others
It’s hard to be a person of influence if you don’t see others as people that you love, respect, and care for. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we are doing that we don’t see others at all. I know I’ve done this.
If you see others as competition, adversaries and threats, it’s going to be hard to advance your life. Working with people will be like wading through molasses.
Rena and I see a lot of folks say things like, “How can I get so and so to do such and such. They just won’t listen to me!” The truth is that you can’t use special words to influence them. You, however, can use the same words but from a different state of being.
Who are you being when you try to influence people? Are you an adversary, an expert while they are an idiot, a compassionate friend, something else? How are you seeing them?
If you see others as people with hopes, fears and dreams just like you, you will go a long ways in life.
How Others See You
Our culture emphasizes skills and abilities. The real truth, though, is that people get raises and promotions based on how they are with people. The folks at TalentSmart have found that “people with a high degree of emotional intelligence make more money—an average of $29,000 more per year than people with a low degree of emotional intelligence.”
It doesn’t matter how good you are at something if you can’t get along with people. Of course, being good at something is still important. It’s just not enough by itself.
If you can pick up on others’ emotional state through their body language, their tone of voice, and other clues and show them concern and compassion, people will see you as an easy ally.
It’s easy to get things done with people who see you as their friend.
If you want to advance your life, and in particular, you want to increase your life’s impact, my recommendation is to wait on improving that particular skill. Instead prioritize working on yourself – on the inside job:
- work on your self view
- work on seeing people as people rather putting them in a box
- work on perceiving and responding to emotions
