In a semi-recent survey, Allstate found that most people think they’re great drivers, while they question the driving ability of those around them. We find that this sort of outlook doesn’t just apply to driving. Often people are thinking, “I’m fine. It’s everybody else that’s the problem.”
Blaming
If you look at this from an outside perspective, it can’t be true that all 300 million of us are doing perfect while the people around us are screwing us up. Yet we go through life believing that we’ve got it all together, and when any issue struggle or problem arises, we blame other people.
The problem with blaming everyone else is that all our problems appear to have an external source. This means that we’re perpetually waiting for someone else to do something different to change our circumstance.
Responsibility
It’s time to get a reality check and change the way we live. The truth is that we have some responsibility in just about every situation we find ourself in. This sounds bad, but it really is good. This means that we can change the bits for which we’re responsible, and we can change our circumstances without the cooperation of someone else. To take ownership and responsibility for our part gives us power.
Suppose I’m late for work. I can blame traffic or the other drivers. This takes the blame off of me, but then I’m at the mercy of traffic to get to work on time, pretty much every morning. Or I can take responsibility for my part, which is that I didn’t leave early enough so that I would get to work on time even if there was bad traffic. Now I can do something about it. I can leave a little earlier in the mornings.
Response
If we find ourselves blaming other people or other things, it might be helpful to ask ourselves a few questions:
- What choices have I been making that make this situation possible or more likely?
- Could I have a completely different experience of the same situation by looking at it differently?
- Is there some part of me that wanted this outcome or situation?
- Might God have wanted me to be in this situation for a reason?
- Is there an opportunity here that I’ve been missing in the midst of all the complaining?
- Is there a nugget of truth that I can learn from this situation?
- What choices do I want to make in the future?
We find that taking responsibility for our circumstances is much more empowering. In fact, we highlight this mindset in our book. We call it “empowerment mentality.”
I (John) am still working on getting better at this. I am still uncovering new areas where I’ve not been taking responsibility. I’ve been thinking that it’s out of my control, when really I have a lot of control. It’s like an onion. I peel off the outer layers only to discover there’s more to peel. I suspect that this will be long continual journey of discovery and growth for me.
What about you? In what areas have you learned that you can influence the outcome far more than you thought?
