I’ve heard this phrase before, “Hurt people hurt people,” and when I heard it, I always thought it was talking about somebody else. I now know that we are often blind to the hurts that we are creating.
I now understand that this phrase isn’t talking about in general terms that people accidentally hurt each other occasionally. The phrase, “hurt people hurt people,” is talking about how we hurt others from the place of our own woundedness.
And in case you didn’t know, we all have places of deep wounding in us. This is because we grew up in families, and there are/were people in them.
Hiding Example
Here is an example of this playing out. Suppose you grew up in a family where children were supposed to be seen and not heard. Whenever you spoke up, suppose your father said, “Did I ask you a question? No. So don’t talk!” This is likely to create a deep wounding in your spirit. You could receive this message lot of ways, but suppose from this you heard that you must be silent in order to be safe.
So, now you have this deep seated subconscious “program” of hiding out. From this place, all kinds of hurts can be created in others. You might have kids, but because of this subconscious “program”, you never give your kids proper praise and affirmations. You’re still too busy protecting yourself by keeping quiet. And in an environment of this kind of ambiguity, your kids might likely grow up with low self-esteem.
You might see something about to happen. You know that you know that it’s not going to work and someone might get injured, or the company might loose a lot of money. But a part of you is still trying to stay safe by keeping silent. So, you say nothing.
My Wounding
I grew up where I learned that I had to appear smart to be loved and accepted. Sure, my parents didn’t mean for me to receive this message, but that’s what I took in. I have to be vigilant about this because if I’m not careful, my need to be right and appear smart can damage relationships pretty easily. This is my “program” that I get to wrestle with.
By the way, if I have hurt you in this way, I apologize. I don’t always catch myself and adjust. I am working on it.
Turn It on It’s Ear
The really cool thing, though is that we can redeem this place of woundedness. When we begin to work through our hurts and wounds, we can start to use these to help others. Once we’ve wrestled with these hurts, and we start to “untangle the hairball,” we get to share these deeply, real, authentic stories with people that inspire and help others heal.
Hurt people hurt people. We all have hurts. Where are you hurting and wounded? What do you want to do about it?
