I was working on a project at work. The project was late, as usual for this company. I was suggesting something and before I even finished, I was interrupted with, “we’re just not going to do that.” In that moment I was hijacked by emotions. It hit one of my “hot buttons.” Maybe this sometimes happens to you too. Let’s talk about it.
In that moment, what was going through my head was:
- He doesn’t even want to hear what I’m saying
- He must think I’m a bozo
- If I’m a bozo, then I’m unwanted
- If I’m unwanted, then I’m all alone and worthless.
Of course, none of that stuff is logical – emotions aren’t logical. As soon, as I was hijacked by emotions in that moment, I could no longer respond in a reasonable way. And I hated it. I hated that someone else could have that kind of control over me – take me out just by “pushing my button.”
In case you’re wondering, one of my hot buttons is to imply that I’m stupid and that I don’t have anything valuable to add. This comes from my upbringing where I internalized the message that I have to appear smart to be accepted.
So, what can we do about this? I haven’t figure out how to completely eliminate being hijacked by emotions, but I have figured out how to greatly reduce the frequency and intensity of the occurrences.
Here are some things that I’ve found helpful:
1. Identify the hot button
The first thing is to identify what is the hot button. What is the trigger? What are we making the trigger mean? Are we making it mean that we are no longer valuable or accepted by people? What is the message that we are internalizing?
2. Counter the Message
After we’ve identified the message, we can counter it with an alternative message. For me, I need to tell myself regularly that I am valuable and accepted even when I’m not smart. For you, this might include telling your counter message to the person in the mirror every morning. You might have notes around the house reminding you of your counter message.
3. Walk into the fear
Now we can put our new counter message to the test. This is where we do the opposite of our hot button. If we are striving to appear a certain way to be accepted, then test the waters and appear the opposite. For me, it is therapeutic to share times when I was not smart. Then I get to see how people respond. Each time I get to rediscover that my hot button is a lie. I find that in most environments I am more accepted when I am vulnerable.
If your hot button is related to avoiding attention, then get noticed. If your hot button is related to appearing like you’ve got it together, then appear foolsih. If your hot button is related to appearing funny, then get serious and vulnerable.
You’ll too will then discover by experience, that your hot button is a lie, and you’ll find that fewer and fewer events are triggering your hot button.
4. Shift your body
This last item is about what you do if you’ve just been hijacked by emotions. There is a strong link between our body and our emotions. If you have just been emotionally hijacked, put both feet ont he ground (if sitting), put your feet shoulder width apart (if standing), sit up (if you’re sitting), stand straight (if your standing), put your shoulders back and relaxed, lift your head up. Just by doing this, you will feel more confident, and self assured. It may also help to take a few deep breaths.
So what does this have to do with living a legacy and making an impact in the world? Well, if we go around carrying a bunch of hot buttons, we’re like a walking mine field for people. Other’s don’t know our hot buttons, and will be triggering them accidentally. We’ll be blowing up on people or we’ll be shutting down every time a hot button gets accidentally stepped on. The less we’re emotionally hijacked, the more effective we’ll be with people.
If you liked this message, you’ll love our weekend seminar coming up Dec 5 & 6. Stay tuned for details.
