I have spent most of my life hiding out in plain sight. This can look a lot of different ways, and in some cases it’s deceiving. It looks like I’m putting myself out there even while I’m hiding. I thought this might be an appropriate topic for a day when many of us will dress up pretending to be somebody else.
Hiding out is a defense mechanism. It stems from experiences in our formative years. Maybe we were ridiculed by our peers. Maybe were were verbally or even physically abused. We learned that if we were visible and seen, we could be in harms way. So we learned to be invisible. It is designed to keep us safe from harm.
While this behavior served us well in those years, often we no longer need to hide. The danger is gone, and the consequences of continuing to hide are huge.
I have experienced and continue to experience the need to hide out. For quite a while, I was resistant to this idea. I thought, “What!? That’s not my problem. That’s other people’s issue.” I was recently reminded of when I grew up my dad would get into a uncontrollable rage. As a kid there was absolutely nothing I could do. And anything I said or did only made it worse. I want you to know that my dad worked on this quite a while ago, and I’ve not seen this side of him for many years. With deep gratitude, “Thank you, Dad.”
For the longest time, I couldn’t see how this was affecting me. I thought, “That’s in the past. It doesn’t happen any more. I’m not that little kid anymore. My dad apologized. I’m good.” What I did notice, however, was that the more I put myself out there, the more resistant I became to it. There are a lot of times when I have one foot on the gas, and one foot on the brakes. Inside I’m going, “Go! Woah!”
Here’s what hiding out can look like:
Not talking
Just observing can be a form of hiding out. By not talking, people will not notice you, or at least, they will notice you less.
Keeping the topic light
Talking about the latest game, the weather, or your yard project keeps things very light. Sometimes this appears in the form of dominating the conversation all the while keeping the topic of conversation at a surface level.
Not excelling too much
If we stay in the middle of the pack. No one will notice us or promote us to a position where we have to be seen.
Going into story
To avoid exposure we can go into story … “And then he said this, and the squirrel poked his head up like that, and then oh and you need to know that …” This can appear even when we are in the process of being exposed. We can fill up the time with all the details of the events and never have to share of ourself, really.
Keeping attention on others
We can hide out by talking about everybody else. This can show up like gossip, or it can show up as advice giving. If we can keep the attention on everyone else, then we can hide in plain sight.
I share all this with you, not because it’s a form a catharsis for me, though it is that. I share because I am hoping you can see yourself in me and learn from it.
Living life hiding out is devastating to my spirit. And I think it is to yours too. What is it costing you to go through life barely seen?
