“I’m an introvert,” “I’m shy,” “I’m directionally challenged,” “I’m mathematically challenged.” I hear a lot of statements like these. And they’re used in a context that implies that it’s just the way it is. But are these things really fixed or could they be changeable?
Fixed
When I grew up, people called me shy. On any sort of scale of introvert vs extrovert, I came up on the introvert side. I would have described myself as shy, timid, and insecure. Growing up, I heard things like, “leaders are born, not made.” And if that’s true, then I figured there’s no way I’ll ever be leader.
I would have believed that being an introvert is just something I am, that it wasn’t changeable. If I didn’t do well in, say, my English classes, I would have believed that it was because that’s the way I am. I’m just bad at writing.
And I hear a lot of this type of thinking from you folks as well. When I talk to some folks about making an impact, I hear “Oh I could never to that. That’s just not me.” The other day I was talking to a fellow who was reading a book that was saying that extroverts are far more successful than introverts, and by the way if you’re an introvert, well that sucks to be you.
Changeable
But this fixed mindset doesn’t match up with my experience. Today I regularly speak in front of groups of 20 to 100 people. And I even enjoy it. I write content for public consumption several times a month. I am a leader even though I wasn’t born that way. Today, I am a bold, compassionate, and vulnerable man.
I’ve learned by experience that there are a great many things we can change about ourself. We can go from being timid to being bold. We can go from keeping to ourself to engaging with people. We can move from follower to leader. We can go from poor at writing to good at writing. It’s not fixed. It’s changeable. I’m proof of this.
It all starts with a decision to be different. Also it helps to understand why we typically respond the way we do. For me, a lot of my behavior was driven by fear. I was afraid that people would reject me if they knew the real me. So, I kept to myself. I made sure the spot light was on other people. My behavior wasn’t me. It was my fear manifesting itself. All I had to do was work to overcome my fear.
My fear isn’t totally gone, but it’s much more manageable now. And I’m free to engage with people and be the leader that I want to be. It’s far more helpful to know that I can be the person I need to be to make the impact that I want to make. The alternative is to feel depressed and hopeless.
What qualities are you going to decide to take on to move your life to the next level?
