Sometimes we need to get feedback on how we are impacting other people. It may seem like it’s obvious to us how we are affecting other people. But it is not always obvious at all. In fact, if you are willing to seek the feedback, you may be surprised at what people have to say.
John and I were having a conversation about how aware people are of how they are impacting other people. John suggested that we simply ask people how they are affecting other people. I countered that I think a lot of people are unaware of their negative impact. So we thought we would test it out.
I called our boys downstairs. (Bless their hearts for being our guinea pigs.) I asked each of them in turn, “How do you think you are affecting your brother?” Each one answered the same. They felt they were having a positive impact. Then I turned it around. I asked Nathan to share if his brother was having anything of a negative impact on him. Then I asked David the same question.
Sure enough, they each had something to share. One of them said, “It stresses me out when you…” The other one shared, “I worry about you when you…” Both of them are having an unintentional negative impact on their brother and they didn’t know it. While their impact on each other is generally positive, there is some room for improvement.
If you are concerned about how you are impacting the people in your life, you could try the same exercise. I think it’s nice to frame it first with what kind of a positive impact you are having. Then have them explain what kind of negative impact you are having.
Following are just a few examples of the ways we unknowingly may be negatively impacting other people:
- being a stress puppy
- not taking care of ourselves
- putting ourselves down
- engaging in self destructive behaviors
- not following through on commitments
- emotional outbursts
- being pessimistic or focusing on the negative
Are you willing to get some feedback on your personal impact? I want you to have the most positive impact possible.
