In the world there are low functioning and high functioning people. Being low functioning or high functioning has a lot to do with emotional intelligence.
Low and High Functioning
Really low functioning people act on emotions without thinking. An extreme example might be: In traffic, a car cuts off Bob. Bob gets angry and chases down the car and runs it off the road.
A high functioning person, on the other hand, might feel angry at first, but then would choose a more appropriate response. Perhaps they would even look to see why the car cut them off and see if they can feel some sort of compassion for the other driver.
Emotional intelligence doesn’t mean we must feel no emotions. In fact, we believe it is better to be more in touch with our emotions. We can be more in touch with humanity, each other, and ourselves if we are open to feeling emotions. The key point here is that there is a process going on between the feeling and the acting. If we have a good process in this space, we can be freer to feel emotions because we won’t fear being controlled by them.
We’re All Low Functioning Sometimes
It isn’t that you’re high functioning and I’m low functioning. The truth is that throughout the day, I may be high functioning in one situation and low functioning in another. So, we can all use better emotional intelligence.
The reason we want better emotional intelligence is that we will get further in life. We will be more successful, have more influence, and live happier. Living our legacy will require that we are higher functioning with a certain level of emotional intelligence.
The problem with low functioning is that we can get trapped by our emotions and our automatic emotional responses. We get into what Brian Klemmer calls “the 3 R’s”: Resistance, Resentment and Revenge.
When we get into the 3 R’s, underlying our thoughts and feelings is, “It shouldn’t be this way.” We get so focused on and wrapped up in how wrong is the current situation that we are no longer in control. We spend our energy feeling hurt, fuming, complaining, and/or retaliating. Note that this list doesn’t include problem solving. We need to get out of the 3 R’s before we can enter a problem solving mode.
We won’t get what we want in life if we are spending much of it out of control.
Getting to High Functioning
One great tool to help us with better emotional intelligence is learn to accept what is without judgment. Instead of thinking, “It shouldn’t be this way,” we think, “I accept that it is this way right now.” Then we are in a much better space to consider what we want to do.
What about you? What’s your best advice to someone who is facing adversity?
