“Control freak” sounds so negative. Kathy, a good friend of mine, re-framed it in a more positive light. She is a self-described “control enthusiast.” When I heard that I exclaimed, “That’s awesome! Me too!”
Trying to control someone else’s life just irritates the other person and frustrates us. Taking control of our own lives is entirely different. We gain an enormous amount of power when we understand how much control we really have over our own lives. We can take control when we recognize the choices we have.
Victim Thinking
It’s easy to slip into victim thinking. Frankly, it’s the norm. We hear these phrases all the time:
- “I had to…”
- “I need to…”
- “I can’t…”
- “I didn’t have a choice…
- “I couldn’t help it…”
These phrases skirt responsibility. They tell a lie because we always have a choice.
The Difference a Choice Makes
It can be especially difficult to find options to resolve our own problems. Maybe it’s because we are emotionally involved in the outcome. Have you ever noticed it’s easier to give a friend advice than to fix our own problems? Maybe it’s a good idea to explore our options with people we trust who are more objective.
For example, if our car breaks down, we might think, “I have to finance a new car.” But a friend might suggest some other choices we hadn’t considered. We could buy a used car, get a second opinion from a mechanic on fixing the current car or carpool while saving up to pay cash for a different car. Those are just a few options. In reality, there are a whole lot more choices available.
Sometimes the apparent options are bad. For example, we think we have to pay our taxes, but in reality, we have a choice. We can choose to pay our taxes or risk going to jail and/or paying a huge fine later. Nonetheless, the choice is ours. I’m NOT advocating tax evasion–I think it’s a bad choice. If we are honest, though, it is an option, even if it’s a bad choice We make our choice and deal with the consequences.
Any time we blame someone or something else for a choice we made, we surrender our power to make a different choice. On the other hand, when we acknowledge the choices we make, we have the power to make some really significant changes in our lives.
People often feel stuck in areas like personal finances, work, relationships. and living situation. It seems like there are no choices. However, by creatively exploring options, there is usually a better choice than doing the same old thing.
My Challenge to You
Become a control enthusiast in your own life. Recognize the choices you’re making so you can start making some better ones. Don’t just let life happen to you; make it happen instead!
