It’s the season for giving. I love Christmas. I like the decorations, and the music. My kids like getting things for Christmas. I like watching them receive. But sometimes I wonder if Christmas is a season of giving, or if it really is a season of getting?
Giving/Getting Tension
There seems to be a tension between giving and getting. In many interactions in life, we often believe we can give or we can get – one or the other, but not both – unless it’s Christmas. But the truth is a lot more complex.
Before my heart attack, I was very much focused on getting. I was working to level up my lifestyle. That meant that I would get a newer car, a bigger house, and of course, a bigger salary. When I had my heart attack, I realized (quite suddenly and painfully) that all this stuff is hollow. It can be fun, but by itself, this stuff doesn’t bring meaning. This is often the case when we’re focused on getting.
I’ve discovered that when we’re instead focused on giving, we start to find meaning and significance. Even when we’re getting paid for something, if we’re focused more on what we’re providing rather than on the money we receive, we experience the transaction much different, and we can find meaning and significance.
So the truth is that we get so much more when we’re focused on giving. And when we’re focused on getting, we’re often eventually feeling empty. And this is multiplied a thousand fold when what we’re giving is something that will leave a lasting impression or transformation in someone’s life.
Giving to Get
We have to be careful, though, and not fall into the trap of giving to get. If we’re giving to get, we’re still focused on getting. It’s a fine line, yet these show up very different. Giving to get is a manipulation, while focusing on giving is not, even if we happen to receive something in return.
If you’re not receiving from the other person what you were hoping for, and your response is to give even more, you’ve probably fallen into the trap of giving to get. In this case, your giving isn’t solely for the benefit of the other person. Sometimes this can be tricky to spot because what you’re hoping to get back can be intangible like being liked and accepted by the other person.
This Christmas
There is an opportunity to have a different Christmas experience this year. You can make this a Christmas of significance. In your giving, consider what will really benefit someone rather than just giving something because it’s on their list and we’ve got to give something.
What if you invited in a friend or co-worker over for Christmas who is unable to spend it with family? What if instead of just handing out gifts or food to the not-so-well-off, you sat down and asked them to tell you their story, and you took an interest in them? What if instead of giving things, you gave an experience? What if you focused on your giving this Christmas and considered what you get as just a bonus?
Might you be able to receive a lot more this Christmas by changing what you give?
