Dictionary.com defines ‘casualty’ as: any person, group, thing, etc., that is harmed or destroyed as a result of some act or event. I am seeing more and more how casualness creates casualties. I’m not proud to say, that I’ve created a fair amount of casualties myself by showing up too casual. Here is what I see.
Passiveness in Relationships
I’ve observed a number of divorces in recent years. In every one of these, the divorce was primarily caused by casualness. One or both partners were passive in the relationship. Even when “the ship was going down,” the passiveness continued. The attitude was, “I’m not happy about it, but what can I do?”
Casualness in a relationship gives a message that the other person doesn’t matter that much. What kind of relationship is it, if one or both people are constantly saying, “whatever”?
You might be thinking you’re being nice and accommodating, letting them always have what they want. But let me tell you a secret. That’s not what they want. They want someone who will lean into the relationship and engage.
Your relationships might become a casualty if you show up too casual.
The Path of Least Resistance
Gallup found that last year 68% of employees are either not engaged or are actively disengaged in their work. That’s a whole lot of people not liking their work. While this is a big area in which employers can improve, I believe a lot of this comes from how we are picking our jobs.
A lot of people, and maybe this includes you, are going through life taking the path of least resistance. They picked their job because it was easy to get, not because it provided fulfillment, joy, or was a calling. This pattern continues as people pick everything in their life based on what’s easy or convenient. Many people are living their whole life too casually.
Many people commit to something only if it’s convenient. Plans get scheduled and rescheduled and rescheduled again. People say things like, “I was too tired”, “I’m too busy”, “I’ll have to wait and see.”
This is the punchline: If you can relate to being too causal, the likely result at the end of your life will be that you didn’t engage in the things that truly matter. What’s most important to you will be left undone or unfinished. You will have never gotten around to it. Your life will have been a fleeting vapor in the wind, and almost no one will notice. All the people who would have been positively impacted by you, had you showed up in life fully alive and engaged, will become your life’s casualties. You don’t want the end of your life to be an “oh crap!” experience.
Casualness creates casualties.
