We all respond to life’s events and life’s messages in different ways. I find that people can become bitter, numb, better, or grander.
Bitter
Some of us have life come at us, and we become bitter. Life disappoints us. Our job is less than fulfilling. Our marriage is a lot more mundane than we envisioned. Our kids aren’t the model citizens we had hoped for. So, we become bitter.
Sometimes we received subtle or not so subtle messages from significant people in our life that we aren’t valuable. They don’t seem to care. We go through our days, our weeks and our months mostly angry.
Numb
Others of us have gone through similar experiences, but instead of becoming bitter and angry, we withdraw. We engage with people less so they can’t hurt us. We shield ourselves from having meaningful relationships because otherwise we’re vulnerable and can be hurt. We don’t share of ourselves because we might be judged. We don’t commit. And we find ourselves feeling … nothing at all. We’re completely numb.
Better
Others of us have decided that when life gets thrown at us, we’re going to use it to make ourself better. So we’re on this intensive self-improvement cycle. We’re always thinking, “I’ve got to get better. I’ve got to get better.” We buy all the self-help books, take lots of classes, and attend lots of meetings.
Grander
I’ve been on all of these paths for different issues in my life and I’ve found that none of them are really satisfying. Even the “get better” response gets old and crusty when there isn’t a purpose behind it.
The best response I’ve seen is to become grander. We use our experiences and our life lessons for the betterment of other people. This makes more meaning in our life, and it leaves a legacy that outlives our life.
I’m not talking about going around to everyone as if we’re better than them and we’re going to fix them. We come from a place of compassion, and support. Note that we can’t really help people when we’re in the middle of our event. We need to get past whatever it is first, and we might need to get better to do this.
So, if you’ve been on drugs, if you’ve been to prison, if you’ve had cancer, if you’ve been a prostitute, if you’ve been bullied, if you were a bully, if you’ve lost a loved one, if you had abusive parents, if no one ever believed in you, and you’re now on the other side, use this as fuel to impact people’s lives.
Live grander.
