Do you want better relationships? I know I do. It seems like there’s always room for improvement. I know I’m better at interacting with people now than I used to be and I can see where I can do better. Maybe you feel the same way, too.
If you are wanting to improve your relationships, you can work on improving your emotional intelligence. I love the idea of emotional intelligence because the model assumes
- It is possible to increase our own capacity to create better relationships.
- Everyone can improve their emotional intelligence.
I like the idea that no one is perfect and that we all have room to improve. I also like the assumption that it’s possible to improve ourselves in this way–that it’s not fixed and unchangeable.
There is a book we use and refer to called, Emotional Intelligence 2.0. It describes four different areas of emotional intelligence:
Self Awareness
First, we need to be able to recognize our own emotions. This skill is a fundamental building block. To improve this skill, we can, for example, notice the physical experiences associated with different feelings, journal about our feelings and seek feedback to help identify different emotions.
Self Management
Self Management refers to the ability to be aware of our feelings and to choose how we behave. It’s important to not let our feelings dictate how we behave toward other people. To improve in the area of self management, we can do deep breathing before reacting, practice becoming aware of the meaning we are giving to what other people say and do and set aside time each day for problem solving so we’re not having to react in the moment.
Social Awareness
The more social awareness we have, the more we are able to pick up on what’s going on with other people. Here are a few examples of ways we can improve our social awareness: we can watch more for people’s body language, pay more attention when people are talking and put ourselves into other people’s shoes.
Relationship Management
In this fourth area, we use the three other skills to understand what’s going on with other people and we adjust accordingly. We can predict more and more how people will respond to what we say and do and we can make new choices that are beneficial. To improve this skill, we can, for example, learn to not give mixed signals, receive feedback well and acknowledge other people’s feelings.
If you found this topic interesting, consider reading the book, emotional Intelligence 2.0. It even has a test for each of the four areas and it gives lots of exercises to improve. I gave just a few examples for each area, but the authors provide lots more.
I love this stuff because I’m so passionate about people being aware of how they are impacting other people. Improving emotional intelligence will help you to be more aware of your impact and help you to have more of a positive impact, too. You’ll enjoy better relationships and everyone will benefit.
