I went to the optometrist last week for new glasses. I was shocked that I couldn’t see the “E” at the top of the eyechart. I strained and struggled and could barely make out that there were some lines there. As the tears came it became even more difficult to see. I turned to my optometrist and said, “I’ve always been able to see the “E.”
I could tell that my vision has been getting worse. It was just so surprising for it to be so clearly quantified. Sure, I know I’m blind. I know that because of my eye condition the side I do have is likely to deteriorate, though not go away entirely.
Somehow, knowing all those things doesn’t make the loss any easier. It’s still just really sad. And I don’t talk to many people about it. Most people feel really bad for me, but then they can’t do anything and then there’s just this weird awkwardness.
I shared my experience with my coach and she did a fantastic job just listening and being present. She let me be sad and it was OK to cry. I have a few people in my life who can be there for me in that capacity. I am really grateful for them.
We call being available for and really present for someone “holding space.” I hope you have people in your life who hold space for you when you need it. It’s a real gift to be able to process through our emotions with someone else. They don’t interrupt the process or try to fix it or make us feel better. They are just with us and they let it be.
I also hope you can be that kind of person for someone else. When we hold space, we don’t let our own feelings get in the way. We are just providing an opportunity for someone else to feel their feelings and come out the other side. Doing that for someone is a really precious gift.
I know that ultimately it will be OK that I don’t see as much as I used to. For now, I’m just feeling sad. Thanks for reading this blog and giving me the opportunity to work through it a little bit more.
