Sometimes it’s helpful to see things from the other person’s perspective. It’s easy to think that our way of seeing things is the way it is. But another perspective can be valid and helpful. When we can see another person’s point of view, it is easier to understand why they say and do what they do.
A Few Examples
I got to thinking about this idea when my son was explaining a new computer game he’s playing. He described that he crash landed on a planet and he needs to build a factory to build a ship to get off the planet again. The problem is that there are “aliens” who keep attacking his factory. I interrupted him and asked, “Are they aliens or are YOU the alien and they are protecting their home?” He was slightly taken aback as he admitted that he is, in fact, the alien. I guess it depends on whose perspective you’re taking.
Similarly, John visited England years ago. He came across a plaque commemorating their “civil war.” It took him a little while to figure out it was referring to what we Americans call our “War for Independence.” I guess from their perspective, it was a civil war that they lost.
A friend of mine who is not a Christian was talking to me about Jesus. He expressed an admiration that Jesus so strongly believed in what he was doing that he was willing to die for it. I appreciated hearing his perspective because it’s pretty different from my own. I just figure Jesus knew who He is and what He needed to do. It was interesting to see the difference in perspective.
Why It Helps to See the Other Perspective
I find it very helpful to see the other person’s perspective when I’m trying to make sense of their behaviors.
“Why would she do that?”
“What was he thinking?”
When I get hurt, I will often consider what was going on with the other person. I realize that most of the time, I will never really know why someone said or did something. It’s normal for us to make up a story to fill in the gap in the information as we seek to make sense of the world. So I try to pick a story that’s gracious. I might say, “She probably did that because she was deeply wounded as a child.” Or, “He must have had a really deep need that he was trying to get met.”
Sometimes when I’m in a conflict–if I’m able to bring myself to do it–I will try to see myself from the other person’s perspective. When I do, sometimes I don’t like what I see. I can see I wasn’t communicating well or maybe I was being selfish. Being able to see ourselves from another person’s point of view can be very enlightening. It helps us understand what kind of impact we are having. It also helps us to have more compassion for other people. From that place, we can choose to make some adjustments in the kind of impact we are going to have.
