I see the blame shame game get played a lot. I’ve played this game trying to escape punishment. Many people I’ve talked to think assigning blame is productive but usually it’s not. Let’s talk about it.
I’ve seen the blame shame game played the most in workplaces. In many of my work environments, people would look for someone to blame any time something went wrong. If someone is found to be at fault, they would reprimand, punish or shame the person in some fashion, sometimes even as severely as firing the person.
Outside of workplaces, I’ve seen the blame shame game played in families, non-profits, and in clubs. Blaming is hugely counter productive for a number of reasons.
1. Blaming someone doesn’t fix the problem
After we’ve blamed and punished or shamed the person (or both), the problem still exists. The problem still needs to be addressed. All we’ve done is spend extra energy on something that doesn’t bring us any closer to a solution.
The truth is that we don’t have to blame someone before we can fix the problem.
2. Blaming creates a culture of lying and secrets
Most of us want open and honest communication. Persistent blaming, however, works against this. If people are in perpetual fear of reprisal, they will not report when things go wrong. When things do go wrong, the problem is even harder to fix because people are covering it up for fear of consequences.
3. Blaming hinders learning
In a culture of blame and shame, people will stop taking risks. If this is inside of a company, the company will no longer take huge strides forward in the market place. People will only do what they know that they can do with lots of margin for safety.
In any setting, we learn the most when we take some risk and step out of our comfort zone. A culture of blame hinders this.
In addition, in most blaming cultures I’ve been in, when anyone messes up, their role gets changed to prevent the problem from occurring again. But this cuts short the cycle of trial and error that is a part of most learning. The person doesn’t get the chance to go back and get it right a second or third time around.
4. Blaming relinquishes control
This truth has ramification in personal blaming. When we personally blame someone else, we release control over the solution to the person we are blaming. For example, when we say, “It’s my boss’s fault,” we are at the mercy of our boss to fix the problem or otherwise change their behavior.
When we take personal responsibility for our part in the situation, then we acknowledge that we have some control over things, and it gives us hope and the power to change things.
Overall, blaming creates an oppressive culture. It tends to drive people apart. Rather than a free, open sense of community and support, we end up with an environment that is dangerous at every perceived fault.
