How many things do you feel you have to do in life? Do you have to do the laundry? Do you have to go to work? Do you have to get the kids to practice? There is a new way of looking at these things that feels pretty freeing. Instead of telling yourself or other people that you have to do these things, simply say that you choose to do them instead.
I know I’ve written another blog post about this topic, but it’s worth revisiting and going a little deeper.
Saying we have to do those things is stressful and it puts us in a powerless position. But if we say we choose to do those things instead, we feel empowered. Try it out and see for yourself.
Here are a few examples including some common variations
- “I choose to fix dinner” instead of “I have to fix dinner.”
- “I choose to exercise” instead of “I need to exercise.”
- “I choose to go to a different event” instead of “I can’t go to that birthday party.”
I really try to be careful of my words in this way. But I’ll give you a heads-up that it may be more challenging than you’d think. This way of talking is deeply ingrained in our culture. In fact, if you’re invited to an event on Facebook, you’ll have three options to choose from: Going Maybe or Can’t go. Perhaps Facebook isn’t aware of the importance of using responsible language.
There’s an even better option to re-frame things you feel you have to do. Say instead that you get to do them. When I say I get to do something I actually move to a place of gratitude. In f
act, as we left our tax guy’s office on April 13, John and I had an interesting conversation about how fortunate we are to get to pay our taxes. We have the money to do it. It represents that we made money–otherwise we wouldn’t have any taxes to pay. Also, we get to help fund our country that allows us to have so many opportunities and a military to help keep us safe. Thinking of all those things felt a lot better than griping about how much money we had to hand over to the government.
So, in my experience, this is how it goes: When we say we have to do something, we feel bitter and powerless. When we say we choose to do something, we feel more empowered. When we say we get to do something, we feel grateful.
I’m betting you’re like me and you’d like to feel more empowered and grateful. Changing our words is a simple but powerful way to accomplish that. Feel free to let us know how you like it when you’re saying things differently.
