Our experience of our own feelings can be so intense that it can feel like if we feel it, it must be true. I’ve found, though, that feelings often do not reflect reality. They can easily come from a thought that is an assumption or even a misunderstanding.
Feelings come from thoughts. We’re not always aware of the original thought. But if we feel something, there was a thought that came right before it. First a thought, then the feeling. That’s part of our human experience.
What we choose to do with the feeling is up to us. One option, which is common and largely out of our awareness, is that we start telling ourselves things that reinforce the feeling. If we just felt the emotion and didn’t think about it anymore, the emotion would pass after a short time. But we often start telling ourselves things that keep the feeling going.
In fact, I was just reading how the brain has a tendency to look for experiences similar to what we’re currently going through. It was suggested that the brain is trying to find a solution to the current problem. Unfortunately, we end up with examples that reinforce our current interpretation of our situation.
So, if we are feeling unimportant, we dredge up other times where we felt devalued. “See. People always treat me that way.” Now we’ve reinforced the original thought and the feeling gets stronger.
I’m playing with changing the narrative I create around my experiences. Instead of reinforcing what I don’t want, I am introducing a new interpretation. For example, I used to say, “He did that because he wanted to control me” and replace it with “He was afraid and didn’t know what else to do.” The second interpretation of the other person’s behavior creates a different emotional experience for me.
I’m just really seeing how I’ve indulged in thoughts that reinforced a feeling I didn’t really want and that were based on a not-so-helpful assumption about what other people are doing and why.
The stories I tell myself about other people’s intentions is the best example I know of breathing life into feeling so they take on a life of their own. I’ve also been playing with letting a feeling be and simply dropping the narrative around it. “Yep, I’m feeling sad. There it is… sadness.” When I let the sadness be,without a story to support it, it quickly fades or shifts to something else.
Next time you’re experiencing a feeling that’s starting to grow, note what you’re telling yourself. What stories are you repeating to yourself that are reinforcing that feeling? Can you stop telling yourself the story for now? Watch the feeling and how it simply passes in a pretty short amount of time. I think you’ll find it as helpful as I have.
