As we get more focused and live on purpose, we may need to end some things we’ve been doing. We may need to end some commitments or stop participating in things we’ve been doing with other people. This shift is a deliberate part of making our values and our actions line up. It can be an essential part of freeing up time, money and/or energy to focus on having a positive impact.
If you are going to choose to let something go, I encourage you to end it well, especially if there are other people involved. Perhaps you’ve been meeting with a group socially for a long time, but you realize that spending time with those people doesn’t nurture you or help you grow. Maybe they are even the kind of people that say things that hold you back. Or maybe you’re just needing to choose something else that is more helpful at moving you forward. When there are other people involved, I encourage you to thoughtfully communicate with them rather than just bailing on them.
I’ve been guilty of just bailing on a commitment before. I tended to do that when I was younger. If I’m not careful, it’s easy to do it again. Sometimes, it’s just easier to not deal with the potential awkwardness. Other times, we may have already filled that time with something new and it takes extra effort to go back and communicate with those folks.
To be transparent, in writing this blog, I just realized I need to do this myself. I belong to a group that took a considerable break over the holidays. I’m now aware that I need to go back and let them know I won’t be coming back, at least for a while, while I focus on Simply Great Lives. It certainly can be easy to let those things ride if we’re not careful, but it’s worthwhile to go ahead and deal with it instead.
I’ve experienced people leaving a group both ways. Just recently, in my networking group, a lady was leaving. She came and let us all know it would be her last meeting and she shared the reason why she wouldn’t be coming back again. We got to say our “good-byes” and experience some closure. Other times, group members just stopped coming. I was left with some sadness and a lack of closure because they didn’t come and personally communicate with us.
I guess it helps to realize the value we bring to a group. When we’re not there, people will miss us because we bring something special to their experience of the group–we share of ourselves. No one else can do that. In addition, we are behaving honorably when we acknowledge we’ve had a commitment to the group and we have decided to change that commitment.
If you are needing to end your participation in a group or something else that involves, other people, consider the following:
- If at all possible, visit the group and let them know in person that you won’t be coming back.
- Let them know what you’ve appreciated about them or about participating with them.
- If it was a tough choice or you’ll miss them, let them know (as long as you’re being honest).
- If it’s appropriate, you can let them know what you’ll be doing instead and why it’s so important to you.
- If you like, you can let them know if it’s OK to contact you and to keep in touch.
- Wish them well.
Ending things well is a great practice because it’s good for everyone involved. It feels a lot better when we look back and know that we did a good job in providing closure for everyone involved. It frees up our energy so we can focus it in a clean manner on our new endeavors. That’s a whole lot better than looking back over how we chose to end something and feeling icky about the way we handled it.
