I once received some excellent advice about sending email. If you’re feeling emotionally charged and need to send an email, you can write the email but don’t send it right away. Instead, walk away and revisit it after you’ve cooled down. Sending an email when you’re angry, hurt or frustrated can seriously create a mess that you’ll have to clean up later.
One time I almost sent a response to an email but chose to go for a walk instead. I was frustrated because I signed up to help someone with something and clearly did not realize the extent of my commitment. I had just received a long list of things I would need to do. I started writing a response and launched into an explanation of how this thing was going to be challenging for me and I didn’t realize it was going to require so much of me and so on. After my walk, I deleted a large portion of the response and sent a much cleaner version. Basically, I made the commitment and I was choosing to follow through. They didn’t need to know all that other stuff. They just needed to know I’d do it.
Unfortunately, other times I have responded in haste. A more well thought out email would have been more productive. One time it was a really brief thank you that I would have liked to be more thorough. Another time I was mad and included unnecessary criticism. I chalked it up as a learning opportunity.
It seems to me that the immediacy of electronic communications–email instant messaging and texts–makes me want to respond fast. I feel an internal pressure to send a response quick. But the pressure is not necessarily real. Even if someone is expecting a quick response, it may still be a better choice to take time to respond well.
Taking your time is a better option when compared to having to apologize or clarify or soothe ruffled feathers. Keep in mind, too, that the written word allows for much more ambiguity than in-person communication. there is no body language, no tone of voice. And, perhaps most importantly, not as much opportunity for simple clarifying questions.
So next time you have a response to give, feel free to take the time you need to process your own feelings before you click “send.” There’s no need to include the other person in your own emotional processing. That way you can send an email that says what you really want to convey rather than something you wish you never said.
