Sometimes our words are muddled. It’s easy to choose the wrong pronoun for what we are trying to express. But I’ve found that choosing the right word, “you” or “I,” helps us express ourselves well. It also helps the listener have a better experience.
When to Use “I” or “You”
Using “I” is appropriate anytime we are expressing our own experience. It seems simple enough. However, it is easy to slip in “you” without considering what it really means.
For example, consider the following phrase. “It’s important for me to know how I am affecting other people.”
In expressing this thought, many people slip in the word “you” instead. They say, “it’s important for you to know how you are affecting other people.” The meaning is quite different when we use “you” versus “I”.
One of the reasons this distinction is so important is that using “I” shows that we are responsible for our own actions. We are stating what we want or need to do rather than telling other people what they should do, think or feel.
It’s easy to slip in a “you” because it’s more comfortable than using those “I” statements. It’s kind of a way of spreading around the discomfort, though, because it can make the other person feel at odds instead.
Using “you” is perfectly appropriate when we are really trying to refer to the other person. It’s just helpful for us to get clear on what we are really trying to convey.
A Couple Other Options
When appropriate, we may choose to use “people” or “we.” Each one has its own implications and a different effect on the listener.
Using the word “people” provides a general statement that can be interpreted as applying to everybody. It’s general nature can be convenient. However, that generality can tend to water down the potential impact of the statement.
Using “we” provides in nicely inclusive implication. It’s a good option when trying to help other people see themselves in what we are saying.
Writing provides an exceptional opportunity to get really clear on which words convey the meaning we really desire. I know I am always having to re-work my writing to make sure I’m getting the pronoun I really want. This particular blog is no exception.
My challenge to you this week is to be more aware of your words. You will probably start noticing when other people are choosing words different than what they really mean. This awareness is a great step toward using better words to increase your communication impact.
