When we lead, our followers will either follow us or our position. When our followers are only following our position, they don’t follow us after we’ve left the position. They weren’t really following us. To lead from our person rather than our position, people need to be able to trust us. One way we can build that trust, ironically, is in being vulnerable with our followers.
This is an area I’ve struggled in. My upbringing taught me to show everyone that I am strong, that I have it all together, and I have the answers. I’ve had to work to show people where I am weak, when I didn’t have the answer, and when I don’t have it all together.
Beginning Vulnerability
The first time I stepped out and showed people that I don’t have all the answers, I was pretty scared. This was in a classroom training situation where I was the instructor. I was terrified that once I told the students that I didn’t know everything about the topic, that I would be finished as an effective instructor. I shared that I didn’t know everything and that I’m, also, still learning. I also shared that sometimes they will ask a question, and my answer will just be, “I don’t know.”
To my amazement, this didn’t hinder my effectiveness at all. In fact it helped. It turned out that students could trust the knowledge I did share because they knew I wasn’t BS’ing my way through. The first few classes I taught, I had students challenge me in what I shared. But since I’ve been more vulnerable and authentic with them, this hasn’t happened.
Digging Deeper
Just saying that I don’t know everything is pretty benign. I’m not really sharing anything deeply personal. But I needed this first step. Now I’m working to be more personal in my vulnerability. In some circles, I’ve shared that I have a false self that I put on. When I don’t feel secure in social situation, my poser self shows up.
I’ve also shared with folks when I haven’t followed what I teach – that I still get caught up in negative thinking patterns. Now you might think this would kill my ability to teach and lead. “This guy doesn’t do what he says. Why should I listen to him?” But this isn’t what happens. Sharing where I struggle to follow what I teach, instead, puts me in the same “camp” with my followers. I’m one of them. I just happen to be a few steps ahead, shedding a light on the path. And we’ll go forward together.
As you probably guessed, I am still working on increasing my vulnerability and authenticity with people in ways that are helpful and appropriate to the situation.
Vulnerability and Trust
When we try to hide our failings, we are presenting a sort of lie to people. And when they find out (they will find out), trust will be broken. They will wonder why we misrepresented ourselves to them.
When we are more vulnerable and authentic with our followers, we will build trust with our followers. They will be able to trust that what they see of us is the real us. When we say that we know something, they will trust that even more because we haven’t set a pattern of claiming to know something we don’t.
If we want people to follow us, not just the position we hold, we need to build trust with people and one of the best ways is to let people see our shortcomings, imperfections, and goofs.
If you want to establish a pattern of being vulnerable, pick a safe place and start with something small and easy to share. Then you will have firsthand experience of being vulnerable and having it turn out well.
Share with us your experience with being vulnerable? Are these experiences mostly positive or mostly negative?
